Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Change

The last week there was terribly busy, and then, suddenly, it was time. I felt heart-broken. Our last Sunday in church was a serious crier. Every time someone hugged me or said goodbye I had to cry all over again. I felt devastated to leave my young women, devastated to leave my amazing co-workers, devastated to leave my long-time Medford friends who resided in UT with me, devastated to leave Grandma Tillie, devastated to leave my sister, Liz. And then I started getting super dramatic and felt devastated to leave Nordstrom (closest one now is like 300 miles away), devastated to not grocery shop at Macey's anymore (greatest local business in Utah Valley), devastated to leave El Gallo Gyro and India Palace (and Scott and Deon who love that grub as much as we do), devastated to leave my home of nearly a decade--essentially my whole adult life. On graduation day I was walking up to the Marriott Center past my freshman dorm--good ol' Whitney Hall, and the Carillon bells were ringing and I looked around and couldn't believe it was over. (I told you, I was feeling dramatic.) People can say whatever they want about Utah Valley but I don't care. I love love love it.

Before leaving I had to run up to campus to officially terminate my employment with BYU. I walked out of the administration building and saw this.
Statue of Brigham Young overlooking campus and spring tulips. Classic. Had to cry about that, too.

And now we're here. Oregon. At church on Sunday people kept welcoming us home. But we didn't feel like we were coming home. We felt like Utahns coming to a new place. And I've struggled to feel excited and I've been super stressed about a screaming infant and a whiny toddler and all of my earthly possessions to unpack and a mortgage to pay. And when I took Blaine to nursery at church on Sunday and he asked, "Where's
Lucy?" I almost died. Poor little thing. Every day has been super up and down (can you say post-partom grumpies?!) and I miss my friends terribly.

Thankfully, amidst all of my emotional turmoil, I have been greatly blessed. Aunt Sally waited up to greet us at 1:30 a.m. after our 15 hour drive home. My father-in-law, the Bishop, and our new neighbor were waiting for us at the house the next morning to help us move in. My parents came over immediately thereafter to feed us lunch and help us unpack. Mom left us with a cooler of food since we were fridgeless. She showed up the next day, too, because she knew I was going nuts that my kitchen wasn't organized. We've been able to do a million house-related errands sans toddler with the help of Aunt Jill, Nana, and Grandpa Cropper. Melissa and Tan got home from Hawaii and brought us freshie donuts from Puck's Donuts (a classic establishment).
Beth and her DARLING girls came for a Sunday visit and left us with some seriously amazing red velvet cupcakes. And on and on. "A pack of blessings, light upon (my) back." (Have to have a Shakespeare reference, now that I'm back in Ashland.) So while I'm still a bit sad because I hate change and I miss people dearly, I feel so blessed to be here with more people I love. The sadder thing would be to not have had any beloveds to be sad about leaving, right?

So here I am, in a new role (full-blown SAHM), in a new house, in a new place. Learning to love it.

22 comments:

Jacque said...

Hello Anne,
I want to welcome you to Oregon. I am sorry that this move has been difficult for you. I can tell you left many loved ones behind. If you had to move, at least it is to a place where you are loved by so many. You have so many talents that can be well utilized here and I hope you soon will feel "at home".
Hugs from across the valley,
Jacque Bringhurst Schmidt

Laurie said...

You will adjust. Moving is so hard. Every place has something special that you will miss. We had playgroup today and Tori cannot understand why Blaine was not there. I explained to her that his daddy graduated from college. Tori responded "is his Daddy old, is he 18?" It was cute. We miss you. Enjoy shopping for your new home

Alicia said...

I LOVE the way you write, Anne. It is so witty, blunt, honest, and real. You make me feel, and I love it. While all of us in Happy Valley are mourning your loss, I know you will be happy and make dear friends wherever you go. No one can resist you!

Katie said...

How great (and sad) for you guys! It will be a great new adventure. I totally understand about Provo. I still miss it all the time. We spent many happy years there. Good luck settling in. It will be great to have so many helpers near by!

Kate said...

This post made me tear up. I can't believe you're gone. l really am depressed about it. Really. It makes me want to cry. Darn tears. I think I've been in denial that you really moved because I didn't know the exact date it all went down... so I figured if I didn't know then it wasn't happening (even though I knew better). I feel like you belong in Utah, but the truth is you are right where you belong. With your little family. I'm three weeks away from moving back, and now you're gone. Sad. Well this comment is turning out to be quite depressing on my end. I just love you, and it's good that I'll see you when I come home. That's fun. I'll get to see your new house, your growing boys, and you. So it's not all bad. Look at me, I'm so selfish. I really am happy for you and Taylor embarking on this new adventure... I really couldn't be more thrilled for you. I'll just miss having you around. I guess we've been apart for the last year. But still.

Ok, I guess I'll be done. I need to call you because I have a question for you that I don't want to ask here. Wrong place.

ps. Can't wait to see your new house with all your stuff moved in! That's fun! Right? I veto that mortgages are scary at first, but you'll get used to it!

Ok I'm really done.

Kate said...

I didn't mean veto in my comment, I meant I second that mortgages are scary.

Silly me, I have a screaming baby distracting me. Maybe I should go tend to him.

lori said...

I was going to e-mail today if you hadn't posted =)
We've been wondering and wondering how the traveling and the move went. We miss you. Today in the car Lucy told me a story that featured Lucy, Blaine, Benjamin, and me eating sandwiches and carrots at the kitchen table. This past week, I think I've been feeling like you guys are just on vaccation and you'll be back soon...But when Lucy said Blaine's name it sunk in and just about brought me to tears right there in the car!

We're so glad, though, that there was so much love waiting for you in Oregon!! That makes me infinately more comfortable with the whole situation.

You're often in my prayers, dear friend. Change is hard. Especially big change. And especially with a newborn. (Everything with a newborn was hard for me! Even grocery shopping. I can't imagine a hundred mile move!! You guys are such troopers!)

We love you and can't wait to see pictures of the house and of the boys!!

Rachel and Jared said...

Dearest Anne, Taylor, Blaine and Baby Rog,

We miss you terribly, but know that this is how life should be, one filled with new adventure and change. Its weird to go by your place and see no one there. We are glad that you made it all in one piece and that Taylor finally realized that paying for the internet was a worthwhile investment.

Barb @ getupandplay said...

Best wishes in the new move! Change is never easy for me, either.

EMILY said...

Oooooh, beautiful Oregon! I am sad that you are gone, but also really jealous that you have now made Oregon your new home! I don't think a home for us will ever be in Oregon. (sigh) North Carolina, probably, but not Oregon! Say hello to your family (Halls and Croppers), give your babies a kiss from Claire, and keep my parents inline! They are little party animals now that no one is at home! Love you both!

Eric, Halcyon, Viana and Brooke said...

oh goodie I've been dying to hear about everything. I hope you didn't miss this Anne: http://seegeneric.blogspot.com/2008/04/freezer-food.html

Spencer said...

I love and miss you and your family. I had some thoughts to share, but I'll send them to you once I get your mailing address. For now know that I think of you guys often, and I keep you in my prayers. Thank you so much for all that you have done for me. I will miss you, Wyview will miss you, and all of us here in Utah will miss you, but I know that you will come to love your new home as much, and with time, even more, than you loved your little apartment here. I'm glad everything is working out for you guys. :o)

Emily said...

Moving and change are always hard -- I hope the learning (to love it) process is quick and smooth.
Happy housewarming! My mom said she ran into Taylor at Home Depot and I wasn't surprised, we practically took up residence at HD and Lowe's after we bought our house :)

jeanine said...

I got all teary eyed about you leaving Provo. BYU will always be a second home to me. So glad that you had so much help in your new home. Good luck!

The Innkeeper said...

I'm glad that we'll be closer now, maybe we'll actually get to visit you in your new house some time. Miss you and love you!

The Ramptons said...

Oh Anne, I am feelin it for ya girl. I had to have a cry again about leaving Provo (uh...was that like 6 years ago now?) Provo is a magical place for sure. People can diss it, but I miss it. I can't wait to see you guys in your new house. Wow, you are truly the SAHM for sure now...full blown. It is so dang fun. Once you get all organized it will be "A" "OK" I love ya

danielle said...

I am only leaving a comment to tell you that I have no comment...I don't want to talk about it. In my world you still live in Provo...just down the road. Is that OK?

Amy Jean said...

this made me so sad! It was us leaving all over again...although I must say that I have heard great things about Oregon. I'm sure I would like it much better than Vegas. I do not know how you moved with a newborn and toddler. Gives me hope that I can leave the house with my kiddos. Good luck to you!

Megan said...

Cool (and sad) that you guys moved back! Wow... Ashland. Have fun! We'll be out there in July, we should get together!

Sugar... said...

Yep, moving is really hard. It takes awhile to adjust. As much as you miss this place, the people here will miss you even more I think. I hope all's going well with your unpacking. It seems like once everything is out of the boxes, and put away, the move seems a little bit brighter. I think it's cute, too, that Blaine misses his girlfriend. So cute.

A Hunter Story said...

Brian and I were driving home the other day and he turned tome and said "the Crooper's are gone?" He didn't realize the time had come and gone. We will miss having you guys here. Good luck in your new adventure in life.

Crystal and Brian Hunter

Joan Koplin said...

Oh Anne! I hear ya! I mean, I'm sure you don't believe me when I say I love(d) P-town...considering B and I booked it outta there pretty fast post wedding...but I DO! It is such a cheerful, beautiful, spirit filled place abounding with friends and family.
I know you will love your new home when things get settled. Until then, I am sad with you.