Wednesday, October 27, 2010

My Three Sons

"Trick or Tomato!" The boys practice trick-or-treating in the tomato plants...

When I started revealing my pregnancy, everyone--of course--sent girlie wishes my way. It's no secret that I want a daughter (or two...). I want to put bows in her hair and dress her in homemade skirts and colorful tights and fake uggs. I want to sign her up for ballet class and make her room look cuter than anything in the Land of Nod catalog. I want to talk to her about boys and virtue and qualities to look for in a husband. I want to help her plan her wedding.

BUT. When I got pregnant, although I knew I had a 50/50 chance, I didn't allow much thought like that. One day I went through the bin of girl clothes I've collected and almost threw up out of hope mixed with possible disappointment, so I put it back in the closet and didn't look back. I told everyone I would love to have a girl, but was planning for a boy. And I really was. I pretty much constantly had in my head it was a boy.

So when the good doctor pointed out his goods during the ultrasound, I looked at Taylor and said, "I told ya."

Poor Blaine, also present for the ultrasound, sobbed uncontrollably and still argues that it's a girl. Poor little guy really wants a sister.

But I didn't cry. I just couldn't. What is there to cry about? I am having a baby. And so far the baby looks really healthy. Both of those facts are totally miraculous. After having restrictive health problems for a year, I feel so blessed to conceive and have a healthy pregnancy, that I just couldn't be happier. Sincerely. I told God I'm not going to ask him for a girl. He knows my heart, and if I'm supposed to raise daughters he'll send them my way. But as long as I have friends struggling with infertility and miscarriages and babies born with disabilities and best friends dying of cancer, I just can't pray for a daughter. I'm blessed as it is and I have too many other important things to pray for.

Now, don't get me wrong. I cried when I found out Roger was a boy. I'm not some perfect person. If you've had multiple sons and cried about it, I don't think you're silly. I think I had one night after this ultrasound, in fact, in which I cried to Taylor about crib bedding because 'I just really wanted to decorate a girlie nursery...' It's just that there are so many people in my life right now that are really going through tragic things, that I can't be sad about a baby, and a healthy one at that.

And that's that. I don't mean to sound self-righteous or anything like that. It's perfectly normal to feel disappointed when things don't go how you dream they'll go. And, I'm sure, if I ever have an ultrasound tech show me a girl on the screen, I'll want to shout it from the rooftops. But right now I just feel really grateful to be having another baby. And here's the other thing--I really love little boys. Blaine and Rog wrestle and snuggle and chase (and hit and fight...) and play and play together. When one wakes up earlier than the other, he begs to wake up brother. When Blaine goes to preschool, Rog is a lost little soul. They are presh, and I can't wait to see them with a new little babe.

14 comments:

Emily said...

Our little Olivia is a caterpillar-same costume as Blaine. Sooo cute. If I didn't love these three girls so much (and you your boys) I'd offer a trade.

Amanda said...

I love your outlook on it, Anne. LOVE the caterpillar costume! See you tonight!!

Amy Jean said...

you are about the 5th person I know who is having their 3rd boy...so obviously there is some big plan in motion :)
i would have thought you were weird if you didn't cry at all-but thanks for counting your blessings and encouraging us to do the same. i needed to hear that.

Sam said...

I'm proud of you for expressing your true thoughts. I know that's exactly how I would feel...I love you dearly...and miss you, now don't judge my writing ;)

Jill said...

All I can say is when Barbie (Anne) and Ken (Taylor) have babies, they are ALL adorable. Anne, watch out when those three boys are teenage heart throbs, because we ALL know that it's going to happen. Smart, sexy, cute boys!!!

Joan said...

AND you can dress them all the same and it's totally nerdy and cute and perfect! :)
AND you get to have three boys like me! We get to be twin moms! :)

Marlo said...

Congrats on three boys!!! We are expecting our third (child) and I feel like it *might* be a girl. That would be three girls. And I NEVER thought I would have girls. i don't know anything about girls. But after having 2, I have learned a lot and 3 would be okay with me. Because tights are fun and so are uggs, and litle girls can slam fingers in the door and go to the ER and hit and chase and wrestle just as much as boys. Have fun with your cute boys and I am already thinking of all the fun boys accessories you could make. Hats, vests, etc. And as my husband likes to point out (unsolicited of course) you already have all the stuff. This way you can save money. Thanks honey. After having your two cuties, how could you not love another boy.

Keith said...

Congrats to you and Taylor on having another baby. I love being a dad, even at 3:30 a.m. p.s. Natalie loves the blog you and Emily share. I think that's so funny since she barely knows y'all.

Jill Clark said...

Congratulations!! Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I don't know if you knew, but we had a little girl about 3 1/2 months ago. I would have been happy with either a boy or girl, I was just happy to be pregnant, but I knew that Joel secretly wanted a boy. The Lord does know us, and knows our needs. Lucy has been such a blessing to us, and I know she was supposed to come first. He'll be such a handsome little guy. I can't wait to see pictures. Hope you're feeling good. Love you.

Lorraine said...

what about a profile shot of cropper#3? come on.

Lorraine said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lorraine said...

I posted the same comment twice by accident. Sorry about that.

Matt and Melody Odell said...

Congrats! My dream is to have 5 boys. Although I hadn't considered never helping to plan a wedding. Ok maybe I do want a girl shoot!

Matt and Melody Odell said...

p.s. please write about your trip to Ohio, I can't wait!