Sunday, October 4, 2009

Post Conference

(the 'First Presidency' of my church. Henry B. Eyring, Thomas S. Monson, Dieter F. Uchtdorf)

I really like being a Mormon. One of the most unique of our beliefs is that we believe there are prophets and apostles alive today. And every six months we get to here from them. (See here.) This was one of those weekends and here is what I thought about it.

Pretty much what the Gospel of Jesus Christ is, is love. When I listen to the words of the prophets, what I feel is love. They remind me that God loves me. Even though I have felt a little distant from Him lately, and have had a hard time loving myself. When I heard their words today, I felt the Holy Ghost testify to me that God loves me.

I have been struggling terribly with Blaine. He has been lying, hitting, throwing, kicking, destroying things. I have yelled. A lot. I have thrown my hands up. A lot. I have cried. A lot. I have begged forgiveness from God for the yelling. And then I have yelled again. I have told God repeatedly, "This is so hard! This is just so hard!"

And everything I heard today reminded me that we are here on earth to be tested. So yes, it's hard. But we can repent. And even if we keep messing up, we can keep repenting. It's a process. And even if all you can do is try, just keep trying. Try harder. Try. Try.

It was one of those weeks where I'd felt like a failure on most every front. Conference couldn't have been more timely. I feel like a completely different person than I did on Saturday morning. Where there was anger and frustration there is humility and love. I am so happy about it.


Spencer said...

Thank you, Anne, for sharing. I want you to know that you are an inspiration to me. Knowing that you have hard times, and that you work your way through them really help me when I'm having hard times.

There really is power in the love and peace that comes from our Father in Heaven. Conference was so good. I love, too, how those who have been called as prophets, seers, and revelators can help us understand how to make the gospel a practical part of our lives, and while always inviting and motivating us to do better—to be better—they fill us with peace, with love, and with hope. Hope for a brighter tomorrow. I, too, feel that I am a different person than I was on Saturday morning.

One of the things I love about you, Anne, is that even when the yelling, and crying, and frustrations come again (and they will) I know that you will be stronger than you were before, and that God will continue to walk with you, as He lovingly and tenderly transforms who you are in to the person He knows you can be. Know that you are loved, thought of, and prayed for. Good luck with everything, and know that you are doing better than you think you are (like what Elder Bednar talked about in being consistent on Saturday morning). May heaven's blessings smile upon you and your family, I humbly pray, and may you continue to rejoice that you have God as your friend.

liz said...

I have become increasingly convinced tht God wants us to have children to teach us humility. Want to be really humble? Have lots of children. I remember Bro. Hassell in seminary always saying that Conference is meant to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable. I'm glad you felt comforted. You're doing a great job. It is hard.

lori said...

Amen. Love you!

Sweetest Of All said...

Ooh, virtual hugs too you. I suffered through the most difficult move last year and it took a toll on my parenting. . . life got very very hard. Been there. Feel what you're feeling. It was a wonderful conference, great reminders of repentance and surviving the test of time.

Nikki Douglas said...

I have so much to say on this...but I'll try to keep in short. Just the other day I got so frustrated with my 6-yr-old that I was stomping my feet and screaming "why can't you listen and do what I say" and slamming doors and issuing time-outs and felt like kicking and hitting. It was only after I calmed down that I realized that I was throwing tantrums. That yes, adults are not immune from tantrums. And most times mine are worse than my kids because I'm supposed to know better. What must my Heavenly Father think of me? I was ashamed. I knew I needed to go apologize to my child. And guess what? She immediately gave me a big hug and kiss and said "I love you mommy." Then I felt like crying. How can kids be so loving? What I did was just so wrong! How can she already forgive me!

It's a testimony to me that if my Heavenly Father and my kids can forgive me so easily and as long as I keep trying to be better, I should be able to so quickly forgive myself. I just have to keep learning from my mistakes.

I am almost daily amazed at the amount of things we can learn because we were sent to and are a part of families. This truly is the best way to learn to become more like Him. I am so grateful for Conference because it always reminds me about love, especially this past conference. And I sure seem to learn a lot about love by being a part of a family. Aren't children some of the best teachers?!