Sunday, August 19, 2012

August 19, 2012

{There is a big fat baby girl in there.  Nice bathroom mirror self-portrait, huh?  I'm classy like that.}

Here's the thing about me. Some days I crave more. I become exhausted of my children's demands and my daily duties and I want to do something selfish. Most often this interest comes in the form of blogging. I want to post daily and share all the ideas and projects and recipes and thoughts in my world. I want to connect with other women. And, I've discovered, I want the recognition that comes with that. For better or worse, that is something I have realized about me. I crave recognition.  (All those of you that have known me from way back when are rolling your eyes and thinking, "Well I could've told you that...")

Other days I'm perfectly content to continue on working in my happy little sphere. And I think to myself --Why do I need more than this? I certainly have enough to do! And why do I need more recognition than a chubby baby's smile or children who beg for one last hug every night?

Blogging is such a fascinating medium, because it can totally portray reality or completely falsify it. (I lean on the side of total reality, as evidenced by the fact that I post pictures of myself in Grandma Tillie's old house dresses. Side note: I want to change the subtitle of this blog to "This is my real life.") Also, blogging sometimes feels like the opposite of humility and modesty--characteristics I think about often and highly value.

Yet blogging really interests me and sometimes I feel like I really want to join the ranks of legit bloggers, attend blogging conferences, and reach out in ways like applying to be DesignMom's Children's Book Editor. But then I lose all confidence and steam and just don't do anything.

Maybe one day I'll get myself sorted out. In the meantime, thanks for being here and making me feel like it's worth writing and sharing on those days when I want to.

In other news:
+ Holy Toledo, I am going to have another baby in 5 weeks.
+ I am up to my eyeballs in projects. First up? Painting the babe's dresser goldenrod.
+ How do women have 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 children?! I am feeling so maxed out, especially physically.
+ I really love my husband.
+ I think my ribs are going to break.
+ There are so many buckets of blackberries waiting to be picked!

xo
anne

10 comments:

abichristi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Emily said...

a: you look amazing. those tights!
b: i love reading your blog, especially when you post in gma tillie's housecoat.
c: i can't believe you are going to have 4 kids! wasn't it just yesterday we were swooning about efy boys?
d: miss you, love you.

rae said...

Anne,

1. You've inspired me to create a book nook for my children.
2. For some reason, i want to say this was back in your Bloom writings, you opened up about how hard motherhood felt for you in those first few months with Blaine. I loved it. And remembered it (obviously!), and still feel validated on bad days with my own kids because of it.
3. You gave me chocolate chip cookies, and inspiration to make good cupcakes.
4. Colored tights. You rock them.

I don't say all of this to one, flatter you or two, come across as a complete freak stalker. But more to address the point of the importance of what I think of as the "middle blogger". The types who aren't in it BIG BIG with hefty advertising incomes, but also aren't simply posting daily itineraries with mostly boring thoughts and pictures that would interest only the most BIASED grandparent.
It has been suggested a few times to me that I should try to really "grow" my own blog. Or try to "monetize". Link to facebook and do all these tricks to gain readership. At the end of the day I'm too computer retarded, too lazy, intrigued but uninterested and also a little afraid to REALLY try. I don't think that I would ever WANT that! :)
But here is what I do want and love: the handful of loyal followers and readers...the occasional sweet emails, a comment here or there recognizing my efforts or laughing with me or hearing my voice. And when I feel like somebody was inspired or interested or felt a little connected to silly old me: awesome!

So, i just felt like i wanted to tell YOU how in just a few sporadic posts you've influenced at least one anonymous reader for the BETTER and left quite a nice little bloggie imprint. Thank you so much for that! Keep it up! Or don't. whatever you feel like...it's ok!

Rae

And AMEN to your question about how women have 5/6/7/8/9 children. HOW DO THEY SURVIVE?!!!




Nikki Douglas said...

You totally described me about the recognition dilemma! I know what you mean.
It's so easy to sound like you've got life figured out on a blog, when in real life you end up getting frustrated and just want to check out for a bit. But one thing I've discovered in the little time I've found to blog...writing is healing for me, where I figure life out, and where I can leave a piece of me behind for my kids someday (if the internet still exists ;) So I try not to let the worry about the image I'm projecting not being quite true to every day life (partly because if I did I'd blog even less than I already do!) and just use it as an outlet to process this busy life of motherhood and remember who I am through all of this...even as the kids start changing who they think they want you to be as their mom.
Good luck in your last 5 weeks! I'm so excited for you!

Melissa said...

Anne, you are so cute. We don't know each other personally, but if you are interested, I posted a blog about blogging in January of 2012 titled, Look Up. I had heard Elder Cook's conference talk titled, "It Is Better To Look Up," and I was so inspired by it. What's funny? I got asked to speak in Sacrament last week about that very same talk. His talk was, of course, different than the tangent of inspiration I blogged about, but how funny is that? Anyway, I think if you click on me you can find my blog (Peterson Pickle Jar). I really love your realistic blogging and always have. BLOOM was a favorite spot of mine to visit, and I'm glad you invited some of us "strangers" to come follow your personal blog. You are amazing.

Elle Jane said...

I so agree with your debate on blogging.
Because sometimes I fight myself thinking "oh what will people want to read" "why am I not getting more new readers" "what am I doing wrong". Then I look at what I'm writing and think

Well duh!

A good blog is one that makes the writer happy!
For the last year the blog I've been writing on has a very specific purpose. Everything I write ties into my faith in the Savior. Now it's like that because I'm a missionary and there are rules to what I CAN write. But when my nametag comes off I don't want to forget everything I learned about writing from the heart.

So don't you ever be ashamed of pictures in housecoats or big fat baby bellys in bathroom mirrors. That's real life. And quite honestly I'm sick of blogs that try to show off perfection that doesn't really exist.

Heather said...

Anne,

Your blog is wonderful. I love seeing your real life. Your cute kids, projects, reading the thoughts you share, recipes, colored tights, etc. You inspire me so much! I love blogs like yours that are real and relatable, where I get to peek into really neat people's lives and learn from them. So just keep posting and writing what you do, I for one am better for it.

Melissa said...

You look gorgeous. You are going to love having a girl, I sure have loved it. My bank account may be bleeding, but it is a lot of fun!!

Mrs. Cropper said...

Thanks, dears, for your positive comments. As you know, the validation means a lot to me :)

xo

Mary said...

ANNE! I'm a reader and a believer! Ha HA, i love your blog, your insights and your "real" flavor on motherhood. you are an inspiration! Best of luck with #4....i can testify that the sweetness that comes with a baby girl is pure JOY! were all in love over here! 3 in 1 club is the BEST!!