{I almost cannot remember Roger this little. The reality of which hurts my heart.}
Here's the thing of it. Having small children is hard. There is a lot of noise. Mess. Chaos. Reminding. Nagging. Rewarding. Punishing. Wiping. Tidying. It's a lot of manual labor plus a whole lot more of trying to figure out what in heaven's name you are doing and wondering when your children are going to stop throwing hideous tantrums and if they are going to end up alright despite your ugliest moments of parenting. And more often than not, these difficulties are what I voice with my friends and here on my blog because it's always on my mind--how to do this work better.
But I don't want it to go unsaid that I love this work. I love these little people. I love nursing my fat baby and kissing her neck after. I love the way Carter says 'oh-tay Mama' after every single word I utter and 'tu-tu Mama' in thanks. And the way he begs for a 'pess' when he has an ouchie. A kiss makes everything better, dontcha know? It startles me how giant Rog has become. You haven't lived until you've seen him lie down next to Clara and heard him say, "Hey girl..."
And Blaine. We still battle sometimes. He's never seemed more dear or sincere than when he apologized to me tonight for being nasty all day and then hugged me for a century. He is growing. We all are.
Sometimes I dream of the day when I can go where I want, when I want, without any diapers, sippy cups, or carseats involved. Just sounds so luxurious in this season of life. But the thing is, when I get to that day I am going to be crying my guts out and wondering how my babies grew up so fast.
I really love this time. I really love them.
Just sayin.
4 comments:
Your the best!!!
I can still remember the first time I laid eyes on Rog. We met up at Bob's pool. Remember? If you don't--just ask Blaine. He remembers that day well :)
That little Rog took my breath away when I first saw his puffy, pink lips and beautiful blue eyes. I remember thinking, "He is SO...BEAUTIFUL."
You are a magnificent Mother, Anne. Thank you for this post. It is a tender reminder of the blessed life we live and the little ones we have the honor of serving, loving and raising up.
Loves.
I love this. I needed this today, especially after dealing with Lucy pooping in her underwear TWO times today!! What in the world!?! I just got off the phone telling Joel that Lucy would probably be better in day care and me back at work after days like this. But I wouldn't trade it for the world. Depsite these frustrating parenting days, and the complete fear I have about twins coming, I know that my place is here with them at home. Thanks for the reminder.
Love you, and thanks for the dear note that arrived with the adorable package. I need your email address. We need to catch up somehow :)
Jill
Rog is darling!! I never knew him that little so I love that picture. And I'd say from just having spent a weekend with you guys that it is VERY obvious that you love your kids like crazy! You handle the chaos very well :) I'm taking notes...
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