my latest mission

{unrelated pic: adventurin' in Ashland.

I think we need to buy two baby backpacks!}

Friends,

Thank you for your kind words and congratulations on Cropper #6! Holy cow--family of 6! To answer a few questions, I am feeling pretty well. Barfy if I don't eat often and very tired, but honestly, I'm doing just fine. I am due September 22nd, which makes me 12 weeks along. Of course lots of people are wishing a girl for me, and I would be lying if I didn't admit that's what I'm desperately hoping for. At the same time, I'm four-square against getting my hopes up, so--as with the last one--I am 100% planning on a boy, and try to not even entertain the idea of a girl. That might sound strange, but it's how I avoid disappointment. Plus, every time I snuggle up with Carter and make him giggle and pinch his soft cheeks, I think, who could be disappointed with another one like this?

The following is something I wrote back in January, the day I learned I was pregnant. I thought you might be interested to know some more about this baby, since most people I announce my pregnancy to automatically assume it was unplanned! As a note, I weaned Carter about a month ago, which has resulted in him sleeping completely through the night-- so things are getting simpler.

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Last night I crawled back into bed at 3:30 a.m. after going up to feed Carter and put him back to sleep. I lay there next to Taylor's warm body, under my fluffy white comforter and quilt thinking, "It should feel crazy that I am up with a baby at night still rather often and might be pregnant. But it doesn't. I feel calm."

I feel the same way this morning after the clearly positive pregnancy test (the one I took a few days ago was very faint and unconvincing). I feel determined to be stoic through the sickness and to work well with food so my poor family isn't starving. I feel excited for Carter to have a close little friend.

I think I feel that sense of calm confidence because I feel like I am answering a call. I acted on a prompting from God and so I don't feel scared or overwhelmed. But only because I know I will have to rely heavily on Him and His power. Often as a mother I have had to remind myself that as a full time missionary I constantly relied on the Lord for strength, and that I should do that more as a mother. With this pregnancy beginning I feel that intrinsically, without needing a reminder. This is totally new and different. This is the smallest space in children we've ever had. This is the first time I have ever been nursing and pregnant simultaneously. And when I look at the whole situation--4 children under the age of six, being sick and sore and pregnant with a small toddler--it does look daunting. But when I consider the scripture that carried me through my mission, I don't feel daunted.

"For I can do all things through Christ, which strengtheneth me." --Philippians 4:13

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The 'call' I referred to in this little journal entry wasn't dramatic. It was neither an angelic visitation nor a visionary dream. It was just me, one day, when Carter was very new, sitting on my bed. 'The next one is coming soon,' the quiet impression came. 'Let it come.'

As a Mormon, I believe in personal revelation. That God communicates with his children. And, in a very simple, small way, I felt him communicate with me that day.

When I told Taylor about it, he was all in. He's always wanted children close together anyway, and there's nothing he wants more than to be a young dad!

So here we are. Some days I feel like this is totally doable--I got this. Other days Taylor has to talk me down off my crazy ledge. But this is what we want and what we signed up for. And we know it is no slight blessing to be granted another child.

XO,

anne